At a time when we are deeply in need of more compassionate and accountable ways of relating to each other, we explore the transformative work of David Leighton, recent recipient of the Camphill Lifetime Achievement Award. As a faculty member, teacher, and mentor at Camphill California, David spearheaded the creation of Camphill Academy’s first course on Compassionate Communication (Group Work and Facilitation and Conflict and Communication courses today), bringing a fresh framework for interpersonal accountability and care among co-workers. In reflecting on this work, David has generously shared through conversations the inspirations and driving forces behind his contribution that continue to shape community life and professional practice across Camphill.
“A wonderful thing about the Academy is how small the classes are. Every class, as a group, is completely different. Some groups are very quiet, so I have people write things down and then encourage them to read their response. We get to know each other, and this creates an opening for discovering what we each need to learn about compassion and communication. A class comes together karmically – just like in a Waldorf school, where the class and teacher meet as part of a karmic destiny. Coming to Camphill is also a karmic event. My whole biography – how I arrived where I am today – reflects that.
When I arrived at Camphill California on July 7, 2010, the community was going through a crisis. Looking back, it was largely about people not being able to communicate well with each other. In meetings, certain people would occasionally get upset and walk out. When we began working consciously with compassionate communication, defensiveness in meetings became something to work at consciously and begin to get out of the habit of.
Learning not to be defensive is huge. Every year, new, younger people arrive, and some naturally communicate kindly and compassionately. I tell my classes at the beginning of the year – and throughout the year – “Don’t imitate me. Imitate that person,” meaning the one who already carries compassionate communication almost instinctively. We can all learn from those people. One example is being able to say, “You just cleaned the floor, but it’s still dirty in that corner,” without any tone that shames or demeans. To speak in a way that leaves the other person feeling respected and motivated – that’s an achievement. It helps both people grow in self-compassion. Even in something simple like saying, “The bathroom still smells,” let’s figure out together how to address this so that we both walk away feeling supported. We practice developing these skills. This reduces defensiveness and strengthens our relationships.
Compassionate communication is also about listening. Learning to say in a meeting, for example, “Hold on – I blanked out. Can you repeat that?” requires honesty and humility. Admitting you weren’t listening – because you were thinking about pancakes or something – that’s huge. Otherwise, misunderstandings accumulate. Some people naturally listen deeply, and you can feel when you’re being heard. That’s powerful. Early on – before the course was even fully formed – we developed community guidelines for how to get along. We drew an example such as Four Agreements (now Five Agreements) by Don Miguel Ruiz. One of the most important ones for me is: don’t make assumptions. It’s also the root of gossip. When someone begins talking about someone else, we can say, “The person you need to talk to is Sally – not me. And if you need help doing that, I can go with you or help you prepare.” Over time, structures like Human Relations groups, with clear procedures and better communication pathways, developed. That wasn’t the case when I first joined Camphill in 1972.
Two of the main anthroposophical exercises that I have leaned on over the years are the Eightfold Path and the Six Protective (or Subsidiary) Exercises. I’ve especially used the Six Exercises: controlling thinking, willing, feeling; practicing positivity; practicing open-mindedness and harmony. For me, they form the basis of compassionate communication. In the Exercises, you work with each one for five minutes a day over a month. In the Academy, we do one per week, just to get a feel for them. These belong to a person’s free spiritual life. They are encouraged but not required. We practice them informally. Most people take to them, and each year we go a little deeper. Around the themes of fear, thinking, feeling, and inner development, each class discovers who they are and what they need. Every class is different – not outwardly, necessarily, but inwardly. House meetings are a perfect place to practice these. Over the years, once the long-term coworkers have also gone through the course, it has become easier to bring these techniques into House meetings, leadership meetings, and retreats. The decrease in defensiveness, for example, has been noticeable. In communities that haven’t engaged with the Academy or compassionate communication, these skills often can remain undeveloped. And the longer you wait, the harder it is to heal old patterns. I wouldn’t want to phrase this negatively – I’d rather say it positively: these skills can be profoundly helpful in our meeting life. Having lived in five Camphill communities, I have experienced how healing these practices can be.”
